Shall I say duchess...

I met Michael at the statue of the drowned sailor. Yesterday he was supposed to take us on a walking tour around Skiathos. The auntie and uncle refused to go, and I had to explain to him that they pretend to be very old! He came to meet mom and when he saw her he said: "oh hi Wallace Simpson...with pearls! Shall I call you the duchess or your royal highness...

He turned out to be a fabulously funny gay Brit that ended up on the island by default. I walked up the 85 steps to the first little chapel (the chapel of the sailor) that was built on the island. Very few people lived here then as they were mostly a handful of woman that prayed for their men at sea!

The Greeks hate the treacherous waters of the Aegean Sea, they have a holy respect for the ocean, because just in front of us is channel created by Poseidon to (guess what) get away from his family! Crossing the waters to the island of Evia is considered to be very bad manners, nobody trespasses Poseidon's home, they call it mad waters as Poseidon sits and stirs up the ocean. The current changes up to 15 times a day. Aristotle came to live on Evia to study and to solve the mystery and he could not, one of the reasons attributed to his suicide, the other was, that he was suffering from cancer! It remains an unsolved mystery till today as to why the tide changes so often! Evia, the 2nd largest island, with fertile ground, rich in cattle, horses, fruit and wheat, is the food basket of Greece. Greece has 2500 islands.

Michael explained to me that one should ask St Nicolas a favour to bless your journey, especially when you are traveling. We both put money in the candle box and lit a candle and kissed the picture of Saint Nicolas, to bless us with a safe journey! When we told the duchess that we kissed the picture, and that she must do the same, she refused! "Sy dien gin afgode nie!" To this dear Michael replies "Come Wallace you have already had 3 husbands, you can kiss a saint!" Ma doesn't want to be Mrs Nikolas! He then says, when you Ask the saint a favor you have to give something precious in return! On Wallace' s silver plaque will be Louis Vitton, Louis Vitton! If only he knows about the duchess and her luggage!

In Greece there is no such thing as catching a bouquet at a wedding! The young virgins write their maiden names on the soles of their shoes. The girls with their names scuffed off their soles, by the end of the night, dancing away, are deemed to get married soon! The Greeks are mostly Orthodox, and if you are not, you have to be in the box on the outside of the church!

About funerals Michael says: "of course you have to go to the funerals, you get a free drink! 7 days after the funeral you get a fantastic lunch, and for 4yrs after the funeral you can be as mad as a hatter because of grief, but then it's over and life returns back to normal! "

The reason why the Greeks have such shallow graves is because they're only allowed to rest in the graveyard for two years, after that the remains have to be removed, the family keeps the skull in a neat little box and discards the rest of the bones! If you want to remain in the graveyard, you have to to pay rent! And the open coffin with the corpse is carried through the whole village and when the corpse passes his or her house, the departed can say his or her last farewell! This apparently, is very upsetting to some tourists!

There as so many superstitions in Greece! Never make a toast with anything but alcohol! It's extremely bad luck! Never use a different door to the one you have just entered! Go back the same way you came! Greeks adapt but the superstitions stay!

The Greeks on the island don't like the foreigners that live here much! A famous tale is one of a German woman with a Jeep! The doors of her car don't lock and every night when the youngsters get drunk they open the door and vomit in her Jeep!

By now Michael and my mother are on very friendly terms and she says "just call me mam!" He says "be careful your Royal Highness! I am not your butler!!"

Michael says the common English from "Hyacinth Bouquet (Bucket)" from the tv program "Keeping up appearances" buys villas here and pretends to be grand!

He then says that at the Bulgaria border post is a shack that houses a duty free shop, and you can buy the best champagne! The duchess is now very impressed!

The Greeks don't name their children Tracey or Shannon etc. but stick to the traditional Eleni, Maria, Anna, Portini, Apostole, Konstantinos, Stavros etc.

Michael Evans AKA stand up comedian Kenneth Williams says: "This relates to your family mom: prince Philip, born in Corfu Greece, was your nephew by marriage! "

Michael is on his way to England and his parting words to her royal highness was: "I give your regards to everybody!" and to us "Don't upset the duchess we just got her quiet!"

Evidence of South Africa is everywhere! Die Hotentotsvy wat Ella hier aangebring het, het die eiland oorgeneem. Hier is tot Jakarandas, broodbome, aalwyne en boslelies, die plek het vervuil!

Michael's wish is that Mr Obromowitz buys Skiathos and turns it into a tax haven like Monaco! You can buy a plot of land or a small apartment from a € 100 000 upwards, for those of you that want to live here!